OK, he did it. A burglary charge; he’d been caught lifting the wallet from some woman’s purse and it was off to the big house. Now he’s locked behind bars. He paces back and forth for a while, then realizes there is no way out, so drifts over to the bed and sleeps. Once, he rolled over long enough to notice his belly didn’t stop at his waist, but continued on toward his knees. With nothing to do and mentally and physically frustrated, whenever he is allowed into the exercise yard he causes trouble, even gets destructive. He spends even more time in solitary confinement. After a while, he just loses interest in almost anything, never causes trouble anymore, just eats and sleeps.

  Is this just another story about problems inherent in the U.S. penal system? Not likely. Such conditions are considered cruel and unusual, a punishment banned by the U.S. Constitution. This is a story about the conditions that many ferrets face each day. Locked into cages with few things of interest, little environmental interaction, and unending monotony, the little beasties drift into behaviors that are unhealthy and destructive. In essence, they stop being ferrets and start being caged animals, displaying behaviors that are neurotic and bizarre.

  Ferrets, like nearly all mustelids, are highly intelligent creatures full of curiosity and play. The curiosity is an evolutionary behavior that helps them to find food. Ferrets use a random search pattern when looking for food; you see it each time the ferret is placed into a new environment. They move all over the room, nose to floor, sniffing and touching everything with their noses. This reflects the hunting pattern of wild polecats, which use their noses instead of their eyes to find prey. The random nature of the searching is designed to increase their chance of coming across an odor trail that will lead them to food. Part of the curiosity displayed by ferrets relates to this almost overpowering need to smell and investigate new objects in the environment. It’s a deeply ingrained ferret behavior that is so well known that “ferret” is used to describe prolonged investigation and searching. Indeed, “ferret” has been used as slang for a detective or spy (besides thief).

  All mustelids are playful; perhaps they are among the most playful of all the carnivores, engaging in play even when they become adults. Who hasn’t enjoyed the antics of the otters at the local zoo, or watched a nature show where a squirming ball of fur breaks apart to form individual weasels? While a considerable part of play is a characteristic of juvenile behavior, mustelids generally show play behaviors even as adults. Ferrets, being domesticated polecats, hang on to some of their juvenile traits as they get older. Play is one of those traits; even ferrets a decade old can -- and will -- play when the mood strikes them. Again, this is a behavior that comes from deep within the ferret, and one not easily suppressed.

  Another trait of ferrets is their high intelligence. That long skull allows for a brain that is larger than that of most animals with the same body size, and it shows. Tests have shown that ferrets are as intelligent as small monkeys when it comes to problem solving. Other tests have shown ferrets to be smarter than cats and most dogs. There is a correlation between intelligence and the need for stimuli; even in animals much dumber than ferrets, scientists have shown the brain needs interesting stimulation for it to develop to its maximum potential, and to remain physically (and emotionally) healthy.

  The combination of these three traits -- curiosity, play, and intelligence -- results in an animal that constantly searches and plays during its awake time, getting into anything and everything, and scheming ways to get into things out of its reach. Ferrets will jump, climb, move, and even seemingly teleport to locations we humans thought were just out of reach, and they will make such attempts for what seems like an eternity. Just forget to latch the cage once, or leave a chair by the planter, and you will know exactly what it means to live with a ferret. This is also why ferrets are such good escape artists; they aren’t actually looking to leave, they just want to see what is past the barrier. It might be a raisin … or better yet, a bug.

  The traits also result in an animal that can become easily bored, which could result in nasty or unhealthy behaviors. Bored ferrets can become nippers; they can start chewing objects like cloth or rubber, increasing the chances of intestinal blockages. They may become physically depressed, take little interest in things, or even take out their frustrations by carpet digging, fighting with other ferrets, or refusing to use the litter box. They may just come out, sniff around for a few minutes, then amble off to sleep under the couch. While some of these behaviors could have other causes, many times the reason is nothing more than simple boredom. As a ferret owner, it is not enough to just let them run loose for a couple of hours and expect them to get an entire day’s worth of play and investigating done. To maximize their emotional health, we have an obligation to make sure our ferrets’ play hours are filled with interesting stimuli and physically challenging things to do. Here are my top ten activities designed to increase ferret fun and frolics and minimize physical and intellectual boredom.

1. The Bottles and Boxes Game. It doesn’t matter what your species is, food gets your interest. Zookeepers have found that placing food into objects or in “natural” situations not only increases interest, but also can become a focal point of playtime activity. I like to put tasty treats into ferret-friendly boxes (ones they can open and get into) or into bottles. I’ll place a few plastic soda bottles on the floor, some containing a single raisin, piece of jerky, maple chip, or doggie treat. The ferrets have to figure out how to empty the bottles to get the treat. It may take a while, but mine have always succeeded. The boxes I use are cheap wooden boxes from a craft store, hinged on one side. I’m very proud to say all my ferrets know exactly how to hook a nail under the lid to open a box. When the ferrets are let into the room, they make a beeline to the bottle and boxes for their treats.

2. Stinky Snacks. Again, food is the object here. Before you let the ferrets into the room, mark a random trail on the floor with a favorite treat. Make sure the trail wanders all over the room. Leave a fresh treat at the end of the trail, let the fellas out and watch the fun. Mine can run with their noses to the ground!

3. Dig for Gold. Ferrets are natural diggers, much to the dismay of my carpet. I fill a plastic tub with aquarium gravel and bury a few treats near the bottom. If you place the tub on a large plastic sheet, you will not only catch most of the “diggings” but also create a second game -- tunneling under the plastic. I use a hand-held dust buster to pick up the scattered gravel, and just pour it back into the box.

4. Box Climbing. I save small cardboard boxes until I can build a rough pyramid about 3 feet high. I carefully seal each box closed, then cut a ferret-sized hole in one or more sides. I then glue or duct tape the boxes together, forming a three-dimensional maze that can be climbed upon or explored from within. I make sure several avenues of escape exist, as well as peeping portholes to the outside.

5. Fetch. Ferrets can be trained to fetch. It takes a while for the clues to set in, but once they learn, they will do it for hours. Start by finding out which ferret treat is loved the best by the ferret you are training. Engage the ferret in play, then get him to pounce on a Wiffle golf ball (the ones with holes). When the ferret plays with the golf ball, given him a tiny piece of the treat. Do this for several days. Then only treat the ferret for picking up the golf ball. Once that is learned, then only treat him when he carries the golf ball. Finally, only treat the ferret when he carries the golf ball to you. This final trick may take days or weeks to learn, depending on the ferret, but the ferret will eventually learn it. At that point, blow a whistle each time you toss the ball so the ferret will associate the whistle with fetching the ball for a treat. If this is done step by step in a consistent fashion, and only introducing a new variation after the previous one has been mastered, you will end up with a ferret that, when you whistle, will run out and fetch a ball back to you.

6. Chase. Buy a ferret-sized stuffed animal and attach it to the end of a 1/4-inch dowel. A good way to do this is to first drill a hole through the end of the dowel. Then thread a cord through both the stuffed animal and the dowel, and tie it off. Holding the stick, chase the ferret back and forth, allowing the ferret to attack the stuffed animal. This is a big-time favorite at my house, and when one ferret starts to play soon the entire group is joining in. It doesn’t take long for a dozen bouncy ferrets to be chasing the stuffed animal, and each other, all over the room. The best part is my hand and arms are safe from tiny teeth and toenails. Well, at least until the ferrets figure out the other end of the stick is attached to me.

7. The New Toy Game. Once you acquire a good-sized collection of toys, separate them into several piles. Each couple of days, launder one of the piles of toys, adding some vanilla or other scent to the final rinse. They magically become new toys because they have a new scent. Pile the toys in a corner or inside a box or bag, and watch the excitement. With the toys separated into “collections” you can add “new toys” every couple of days, and still only wash the toys en masse once a week.

8. Raisin Diving. Take one small plastic child pool. Add a thin film of water, toss in a few raisins or other favored treats, and let the raisin-hounds at them. Over time, gradually add more and more water, and the ferrets will become water-hounds, diving and splashing for treats. Once they learn water is fun, they will readily dive in and splash around.

9. Kill the Hotdog. This is not for those who find all-beef hotdogs being ripped to shreds amusing. Tie a hotdog to a stick and go ferret fishing. It takes about 30 minutes for my group to destroy the hotdog and cart it off for future maiming. Most ferrets are not very interested in eating the hotdog, but they sure love helping to tear it apart. This works best in households that also have a dog who enjoys taking the part of a vacuum. Or a small hungry child.

10. Explore. Every once in a while, take a single ferret out exploring. Take them outside, into a “forbidden room,” shopping, to the pet store, anywhere the ferret will be exposed to new situations and stimuli. A tiny proportion of ferrets will not like these experiences, but most love them. Just make sure you take turns with all and don’t favor any particular ferret. Be fair.

  If you look closely at each of these ten ideas to reduce boredom, you will find two consistent themes. First, the ferret is exposed to a varied, exciting environment that is intellectually challenging, rewarding, and plain interesting. OK, it’s fun. Second, the tasks get both ferret and person involved. The ferrets will come to associate you with fun and treats, and you will start forming a stronger and more personal bond. You will enjoy each other, but more, you will be providing to the ferret those things that keep life interesting and worthwhile.

  Finally, it really doesn’t matter what you do with the ferret; he can have a stimulating life without using a single one of these ideas. Make up your own games, find some way for the ferret to work for its treat, stimulate its problem-solving ability. The secret is doing something with the ferret. Play with it, rough it up, scoot it across the floor, make it climb a ladder for Ferretone. Whatever. Just do it. Yes, it will take some work, some clean up, even some effort, but if all you wanted is a ferret to look at, you could have bought a plastic one to set on your television.

  Bob Church has done extensive research on the habits, history, and physical makeup of ferrets and other mustelids. He is currently a perpetual student in Missouri, but he plans to someday break that cycle. Bob always has a house full of ferrets and an endless supply of ideas on how to keep them happy and healthy.

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